The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing of one letter, and supply a new definition.
- Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
- Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
- Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
- Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
- Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
- Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
- Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
- Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
- Glibido: All talk and no action.
- Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
- Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
(Turns out this has nothing to do with the Washington Post or Mensa but it's still funny.)
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The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
- Coffee, (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
- Flabbergasted, (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
- Abdicate, (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade, (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-Nilly, (adj.) impotent.
- Negligent, (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
- Lymph, (v.) to walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle, (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulence, (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash, (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
- Testicle, (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude, (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
- Pokemon, (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.
- Oyster, (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
- Frisbeetarianism, (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
- Circumvent, (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
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